Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
