My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
