yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
