Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Randomize
