but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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