ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
