I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
This is classic penis vs brain.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
