Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
