I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
