Please, let me fuck your mom
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
