Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
