She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
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