I love black thongs
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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