On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
