things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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