So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
