I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
