new low.... made out with someone while peeing
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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