By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Randomize
