He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
