Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
