moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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