I can't watch pbs sober anymore
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
