I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
