so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
