It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
