I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
