I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Randomize
