hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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