I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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