Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
