If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
