Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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