reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
