im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I looked at my own cervix.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
