I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
