five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
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