I smell stomach acid.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
