guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I supernannyed him into submission
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
