hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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