the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
