They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
