Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
These 23 People Share the Worst Advice They’ve Been Given
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company