Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Women Are Tweeting Photos Of Their Underwear To Support Rape Victim Whose Thong Was Cited During Trial
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
21 ‘Don’t Say It’ Tweets That Are Gonna Get Said Every Damn Time
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
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