I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.