its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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