that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
