probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
