I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
