Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
