You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
