My room smells like vodka and shame
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
