my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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