my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
