You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
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