Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
