the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
