i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Randomize
