ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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