we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
