I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
