She said her name was "party"
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
