it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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