I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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