if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
