ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
