I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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