I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
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he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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