So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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