i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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