Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Randomize
